The same complaints surfaced every time she went out with her single female friends. They said enough was enough with all the advice on how to snag a guy streaming in from everyone and everywhere as soon as she became single.
Karin Anderson, Ph.D. assistant professor of psychology at Concordia University Chicago found herself suddenly keeping track of the single women’s thoughts, replacing her strict academic research methods with informal polling.
She discovered that singles were being bombarded with well-meaning advice. It was not only ineffective, but it was also making their skin crawl.
Singles are often told that they are doing something wrong. Anderson says that being single is a problem that must be addressed. Anderson says that this is a bogus statement. Single women should hear, “You’re fine.” You don’t have to do anything wrong. Enjoy your life.'”
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Anderson’s top five worst offenses are these five well-intentioned advices to singles. Here’s why.
1 What’s the deal?
What’s Heard? “This could come off as you’re passing judgement on effort,” Anderson says. It’s better for a single person encourage others to have new relationships and be open to exploring new ways of being themselves.
2 What’s the Deal? WEAR MORE MAKEUP.
It’s more than just implying that Mr. This comment is more than just a way to put a little color on your cheeks. It also offends by attacking the core of a person’s identity. “A woman’s self-image is determined by what she considers meaningful. Every woman should feel free to be who she is, no matter what her style may be. Whatever her style is, there is a man who will be attracted to it. False advertising that she presents herself as someone other than she is will backfire.
3 What’s the Deal?
Heard: This could indicate that a single person is not using enough speed dating or blind internet or blind dating or that she isn’t living a full life. Anderson says that singles aren’t by definition curled up in fetal positions all day. Anderson says that most people are working, going out with friends for dinner or events, and working out.
4) You’re too picky.
What’s Heard? This means that Anderson says that she can no longer be discriminating at any point, which is a point reached by a single friend or loved one. This sends single women the message to stop being picky and to get out there and grab any chump.
5) What’s the Deal? TONE IT DOWN A NOTCH.
What’s Heard? You ask way too many questions. You’re too intimidating. You are too opinionated. You are too obsessed with work. Anderson says that single women interpret this to mean they need to lower their core identity to attract suitors. To lure a man, a woman must reduce her fullness to attract a partner. This will result in a lack of authenticity and a bad marriage or relationship. It’s absurd to think that anyone can maintain a façade for so long.
To all single or once-single ladies out there: What advice would you rather not hear? What is the best advice you have ever received from a friend regarding meeting men?__