We are in the midst of Cuffing Season, but I want to discuss my favorite type of situationship: The age-old friend with benefits. We’ve all been there. There’s no shame! Let’s be honest, having a friends with benefits can be incredibly convenient–all the fun, none of the planning-your-future-together? It sounds good to me. However, you need to follow certain rules regarding friends and benefits to ensure that your FWB relationship is successful. There are many things you should know about hooking up with friends. I’ve listed them all below.
There’s nothing to be loved about having sex without strings with someone you respect and like, but not necessarily with whom you want a future. Friends with benefits can still be complicated if you don’t set ground rules. Is it okay to tell others that you are hooking up? Can a FWB hookup be cancelled in favor of a date? Or will this create problems? What happens if one of your friends starts to feel for the other? What should you do? Things can become messy when the lines blur and you have to deal with it.
Here are some tips to avoid disappointments, awkwardness, and confusion. While every situation is unique, these are some rules that you can follow before you get too involved with a friend.
1. Choose Someone Honest
Both of you must be open about all things. If you have feelings for each other, you should both be on the same page. The same applies if one of you wants to end it. Both of you have to agree with the final result. Therefore, it is important to establish trust and communicate honestly.
2. Speak your (Sex) Mind
The primary purpose of a FWB relationship is to have great, satisfying sex. You can be vocal about your preferences and encourage your partner to share them. It’s not necessary to do anything that you are uncomfortable with. However, let your partner know what you like and share it with them so they can discover a sexual dream you both can live.
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3. Groom as if they were your significant other
Although you may not want to be in a relationship with your friend, it is unfair to them if they show up at your trysts with dirty hair, stained underwear, and prickly legs. You’d be mad if your FWB arrived with greasy hair and smelly underarms. Common courtesy, y’all.
4. Make sure you’re emotionally ready
If you’re not emotionally ready, casual sex can become anything but casual. Some people can dissociate the act and the emotion easily, while others have trouble with this. Many of us are wired to feel a connection with others after we have sex. You need to be 100% okay with having sex with someone who won’t cause you to get deeper.
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5. Always practice safe sex
Condoms! Are! Lifesavers! They are lifesavers! You don’t want to ruin what should be a great time for everyone.
6. For new relationships, keep your eyes (and heart) open
Also, don’t be too comfortable or shut yourself off from meeting someone you love. It’s not a good idea to miss out on the opportunity to meet someone special just because you have a sex friend.
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7. Don’t Have Sleepovers
It can be confusing to have sleepovers. It is important to avoid getting emotionally attached to your FWB, so it is very intimate to sleep next to them and to walk up to them. Take a shower and say goodnight. Then, get in bed and feel relaxed and satisfied that they are home.
8. Do not Cuddle
If you and your partner have reached an agreement to cuddle, then snuggle up. If you don’t agree to cuddle, then it is best to not do so. Cuddling encourages intimacy which is not a good idea for your FWB. It is best to keep things simple and avoid spooning.
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9. Do not expect bells and whistles
Do not expect anything in a relationship from your friend, nor do you need to go out of your way for anything romantic. There are no fancy dinners, flowers or gifts. A FWB is casual sex.
10. Do not be clingy
This is a friendship and not a relationship. It is not a good idea to leave a change of clothes or a toothbrush at your place. The fun ends once you are a stage five clinger.
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11. Do not introduce your FWB to your parents
A FWB should only be temporary. Your parents may not know your “friend” yet, so don’t feel obliged to introduce them. Do you want people in your circle of friends to be nagging about you? I don’t think so. Keep it low and avoid the drama.
12. Do not be mad if they meet someone
Your FWB (Female Friend Base) is and not your partner. You should keep your heart open for new relationships just as they are permitted to date, Tinder stalk and Hinge swipe any person they wish. It’s fine if your FWB is interested and willing to date someone else. You can date any person you like.
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13. Do not leave the bedroom
After some nights of what should be an amazing night of sex, don’t feel pressured to go out on dates. This could include going to the movies, shopping, or inviting them to dinner. As Carrie learned with the less-than-scintillating McFadden: Keep your chemistry contained to the bedroom where it belongs. It will happen organically if you both decide that you have stronger feelings.